My pagan year: I. Samhain
Chapter I: Samhain
I had so many plans to observe Samhain--then life happened. It's been a week, and, I begin to type this,, I do so with quiet reluctance--not that I have nothing to write, but I'd rather sip my coffee and dissociate until I have to get ready and go to work.
Of all the pagan holidays, I struggled with how to even observe Samhain: for one, many of its traditions are rooted in faith-based practices (i.e. believing in [insert thing here]), and second, it's a holiday of reflection and remembrance. I am not one to dwell in the past, and I have my own particular way of dealing with death (that many don't understand and find cold or callous). Regardless, as much as I came into Samhain with hardly any inkling of what to do, I devised my own way to observe it in the future.
Samhain rituals
There are numerous versions of Samhain across the world, notably Dia de las Muertos. It is the day when the veil between the living and dead is at its thinnest, for better or for worse--clairvoyants are more adept at reading or scrying, and dark spirits may be lurking. Traditions on this day centre around that thin veil and our connection with the dead.
Spirits are believed to wander about on Samhain--some with purpose, some lost. One might bury apples along the road or leave a candle lit in the window for loved ones past or the lonely without a home to return to. I'm still working out my theories on spirits/ghosts (likely a follow-up blog post on this), but if they do exist, would they not be a reflection of humanity--there is the kind and the malcontents among them. One could wear a talisman of black tourmaline or obsidian for protection against ill-intentioned spirits or dark energy. I have a tiger's eye and an obsidian necklace that I do wear on occasion. Perhaps it's placebo, or there's some real magic there, but I do feel differently when I wear my tiger's eye--particularly when I am not feeling 100%--and my obsidian has been of great comfort, like body armour, since a recent assault began on my family.
I digress. I looked into getting some witch bells for my front door--a form of spiritual home protection. As I can be quite crafty, I pondered making my own vs purchasing a set off Etsy, but as comes with any project, one needs the time and resources. I'm still committed to setting up some witch bells (all part of my general home renovation).
A significant aspect of Samhain is remembering or honouring the dead--leaving a place setting for them at the table (maybe even some food) or creating space on your altar. At the secondary school I teach at, students craft a Dia de las Muertos display with photos of deceased family members or celebrities (Selena Quintanilla Pérez makes an appearance every year). While I respect the practice, it has never been my thing.
Remembering the dead
People don't generally understand my way of grieving. For the most part, I keep my emotions to myself--even when discussing major life events, I can come across as quite Vulcan. My family accused me of being unfeeling, uncaring when my foster father passed away because I grieve privately and in weird spurts (I suppose that's what happens when you're a Capricorn). It's not something I consciously do; it's part of who I am.
In my home, there are hardly any photos of people on display. We have some polaroids from our wedding, and my husband has. a picture of me on his nightstand. A small album of polaroids sits on the short shelf by the TV, and a bin of childhood photos is tucked away in the closet. While my sentiment is private, I do enjoy reminiscing over the occasional memory. I pondered the trove of photos packed away in plastic bins or digital folders, especially of those passed, and (as morbid as it may sound) those without much time left. My husband frequently worries that his parents are not long for this world, and I feel it would be meaningful to him to preemptively honour them on our wall. I had floated the idea of making a permanent shrine in the bathroom of all our cats (living and dead)--it all started with this old thrift store looking picture he has of kittens that must always hang of the toilet. As a gift (intended with utmost humour), I framed a picture of our old cat Charlie, which now hangs at eye level as you sit on the toilet so he can, as my husband puts it, "judge you while you pee." He was, in fact, a judgey cat.
Pumpkin carving
Okay, weird segue. Pumpkin carving always struck me as a very American tradition, all part of the bastardisation of the Celtic holidays. Yes and no. The carving began in Ireland with turnips. As legend has it, a man by the colourful name of Stingy Jack tricked the Devil for financial gain, and when Jack died, God barred him from heaven, and the Devil refused him entry to Hell; thus Jack wanders the mortal plane for eternity. Folk began carving demonic faces in turnips to frighten away Jack’s wandering soul, and later pumpkins, as they are native here in the States.
I have some talents; carving is not currently one of them. Perhaps I will fare well next year. I do not believe in Stingy Jack, but I have a fondness for folklore, and it's a fun tradition that stimulates creativity and dexterity.
Fun fact: pumpkins release methane gas while decomposing; especially when there are tons of them in a landfill, it's not great for the environment. The best thing to do is bury them in the dirt because they help hydrate soil.
Tarot reading
I have to be in the mood for readings; if I don't have a clear head, I struggle to focus and doubt my interpretations. I've been meaning to do a "the year ahead" reading, but as it has been a stressful time (recent nervous breakdown and all), this has to be postponed. I did one the year before and did not take notes: if you do one of these, don't just take a photo of the cards; record a voice memo or write down what you have interpreted. For a year-ahead spread, you draw one card for each of the twelve months and a thirteenth for the overall theme of the year. I highly recommend the deck by Kim Krans. This is not a paid partnership; this is my primary deck that I discovered by happenstance.
A new year
I think what frustrated me most was that I came into Samhain with so many plans--and I understand why: this is new, an adjustment. Observing the pagan holidays continues to be a long lesson in improving my selfcare and overall life. Like a traditional American New Year's Eve, I spent Samhain night with friends, in costumes, drinking, laughing and having a good time. For a short period, I could forget the stresses that awaited my attention in the morning and instead look forward to another lovely year with the people I still have in my life, and not to mourn the assholes that don't deserve my time or energy.
Happy New Year, everyone!
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